LOVE & SEX; Spiritual Microcosm within the Macrocosm
Our Modern world is slowly but surely smashing old paradigms and stigmas designed to restrict love and relationships. As of 2018, 25 countries support and legalized same-sex marriage. The United States of America made history on June 26, 2015, when the U.S. Supreme Court struck down all state bans on same-sex marriage, legalized it in all fifty states, and required states to honor out-of-state same-sex marriage licenses in the case Obergefell v. Hodges. A progressive leap forward for equality and a respectful acknowledgement of the core and essential value of Love. Love which transcends race, gender, age and frees humanity from our own self-imposed, restrictive and judgmental rules assigned to the archaic view of love and entitlement to it. However, universally, mankind remains at war with itself over the definition, importance and integrity of Love.
Our relationships with others are a remarkable reflection of our inner relationship with ourselves and our ability or inability to love. The ultimate mirror, perfectly reflecting back to us as the opportunity to create, grow and evolve. The ideal classroom for our spiritual growth, a sacred space to begin to observe our limited beliefs, our mixed messages and our core self-worth. They show us how we relate to ourselves through who we are attracting, entangling with, and interacting with in our lives. If we are conscious of how we project our fears onto our relationships, how we react, respond to emotionally and communicate with others, we can begin to understand not only ourselves better, but also our life experience, as well as the full impact that our internal relationship has on our external relationships. As we begin to get clarity of our deepest desires of our hearts, we no longer accept things that do not in align with that vision. We grow.
Scientifically, oxytocin levels increase when we feel attracted to someone, which in turn stimulates dopamine to be released. What instigates falling in love, is at heart, a reflection of our true desire but multiple factors can play into the attraction, including our DNA, all of our senses and the animalistic need for survival. It has been suggested that smell can play a key part, in that we are likely to be attracted to those human beings who smell most like our parents. The body has a definite response when romantic feelings are stirred; flushed cheeks, racing heartbeats, clammy hands and a general giddiness but physically and chemically the body is alerting us too, to form an attachment to the object of desire, chemicals that issue a sense of reward by being around that person. Lust is galvanized into action by the hormones testosterone and oestrogen, stimulating our sex drive and libido. Attraction follows a deeper level of physical connection, these are not mild occurrences where neurotransmitters called nonoamines begin to instruct our physical responses and feelings: dopamine is the same chemical activated by cocaine and nicotine use. norepinephrine aka adrenalin, promotes sweating and faster heart beats and serotonin which is not only a vital factor in that loved up feeling, but also a key part in temporary insanity. Love is no joke. It is one of the most important and powerful forces that moves in us, through us and ultimately beyond us. Oxytocin is released in both sexes during orgasm creating an intimate bond and it is also released during childbirth, cementing that mother child connection. Our physical bodies naturally are designed to promote our survival. Attraction and love are key signs of our alignment with our higher selves. What feels good, is good. When we experience discord, or chaos it is a sign we are imbalanced or not being true to our inner most high selves. All human beings have the ability to tap into this wondrous harmonic flow of life. Listen to what your body is telling you. Your instinct is always with you, and along with your emotions act as the most advanced guidance systems known to man.
Sex is another microcosm of the macrocosm of who we are being in this life. Sex can either be a beautiful expression of who we are or it can be a dis-empowering realm that leaves us heartbroken, lost and dysfunctional. Just like all areas of life, sex has many realms, experiences, levels, perspectives, etc. Therefore, the goal like all spirituality work is to align the physical, mental and spiritual, living your unique truth. Some may consider that the best sex is with someone we love on all levels, while others may have alternative preferences be it, commitment, marriage, pornography, polygamy, monogamy, open marriages, gays, heterosexual, infidelity and much more. From a relative perspective, one may consider spiritual sex to be anything that is an expression of authentic and genuine space, unifying hearts and souls; whereas objectifying sex, may be considered anything that imbues people as objects and keeps the soul feeling separate. Discover the expression of the soul in the realm of sex. Like all things in this universe, sex is another form of communication and it can be dynamically used to create something amazing or it can invert the law to manifest chaos and discord. So, to contemplate the topic and become mindful of your actions is the first step to discovering how you desire to express yourself within your love life. To honor each and every persons truth, there are infinite ways of having sex, f***ing or making love. As many, as there are human beings on this planet. Having said that, I would also like to recognize that there are many spiritual practices that touch on such topics as “Spiritual Sex”, “Objectifying Sex,” “Tantra Sex,” “Kama Sutra Sex,” but again I do not believe that there is anything that is not spiritual in this life, only the perception that there isn’t.
The reality is, a wealth of women have never experienced orgasm through sexual intercourse. Freudians would have us believe that a woman’s inability to reach orgasm is because a woman hasn’t grown up. Princess Marie Bonaparte, closely linked to Freud after consulting with him about her own prescribed frigidity, asserted the optimum distance between vagina and clitoris was 2.5cm and it was this measurement that was integral to achieving female orgasm. She was so convinced of this, she went as far as to operate in an attempt to achieve this ultimate measurement. The pressure on females to experience vaginal orgasms has been immense for centuries, stimulating an overwhelming sense of failure among women who have never experienced this. The modern woman is expected to be a professional, mother, multi-tasking, red carpet walking, but also a porn star performer in the bedroom as well. Many women feel exhausted and not fulfilled. Why some of us do and some of us don’t, remains somewhat of a mystery. But understanding the limits we impose on ourselves, and the rules we like to shroud our lives in, through thought and learned stigma undeniably must play a part in how free flowing and relaxed we allow our bodies to be. Our entire culture is clearly experiencing a disconnect form their own souls let alone in the intimate space. We can’t figure out why we feel like there is just something missing. The symptoms of the body can be vastly various, everything from low energy to full blown depression. For men, there seems to be a major disconnect between having a strong sexual desire and wanting to be true to their hearts. They tend to feel guilt, shame, repression and suppression. There is nothing more attractive than a man or woman who has gotten in touch with the eternal aspect within and stands firm in their truth. The body is this dynamic instrument of sexual expression. The spiritual climax of life is to live in alignment with what the soul desires, which is love and connection along with sexual fulfillment. May you transparently live your sexual truth.
Love, like electricity, flows through us, transmitting vibrations from cell to cell, it can give light, warmth and energy if used constructively or it can cause harm, pain and discord. Goldsmith states, "We cannot harm anybody, and nobody can harm us... we injure ourselves by the violation of the law of love. The penalty is always upon the one who is doing the evil, never upon the one whom it is done. The injustice we do to another reacts upon ourselves; the theft from another robs ourselves.... the person who seems to have been harmed is really blessed." Love is the epitome of our cause and effect universe. It is the law of giving and receiving, what we put out comes back. How it comes back, may not be from that exact person or circumstance, but it comes back in a symphonic karmic way. When we allow love to flow through us, it automatically reflects through the law, right back at us. "There is only one Self, and that which I do to another, I do to my Self." In Hinduism and Buddhism, Karma is the sum of a person's actions in this and previous states of existence, culminating and creating their fate in future existences. Everything we do has impact on our own unique experience, growth and gift to the Universe.
In New Thought Philosophy three levels of relationship exist; the ego demands to know, what is in it for me? The inter-related standpoint questions, what is in it for us? The synergic, giving standpoint, asks what is in it for the Universe, bringing your creativity and gifts to the world. Letting go of traditional concepts of relationships helps to free us up and be the authentic lover within. Individuality has a purpose. We all have a role of great value in this world, and what serves one, or both or all, can greatly differ from individual to individual. It is not for us to judge, but merely to work on ourselves and find our own all loving alignment. Unique expression of love exists for each of us, in our own authenticity. Monogamists ground their principles in keeping faithful to one mate at a time. Polygamy asserts a man may take multiple wives, keeping the power tightly in the grips of the male race whilst polyamorous relationships allow for multiple non-exclusive intimate relationships with multiple partners for all involved. Whether you desire to be married or simply enjoy many relationships, the work is the same. When we release all aspects of ourselves that are no longer in alignment with who we want to be, we are able to become ‘the one’ which attracts exactly what we desire. When we fully embody the essence of who we want to attract, life unfolds instantaneously. The Law of Attraction is the name given to the maxim "like attracts like" which in New Thought philosophy is used to sum up the idea that by focusing on positive or negative thoughts a person brings positive or negative experiences into their life. In quantum theory, the Law of Attraction teaches us that thoughts become things; reiterating that our intentions, impulses, our inner vibrational selves are continually attracting our circumstances, experiences and furthermore the evolution of the self, and at large, mankind. Living authentically and transparently is the key to living powerfully and joyfully.
"If someone really loves you, they love you just as you are. Their love is not dependent on whether you get a tummy tuck, wear their favorite outfit, do a perfect downward dog. Their love is not conditional on whether you meet their every need, their every whim, their every fantasy. Their love is not contingent on your working on your issues, changing your lifestyle, transforming your personality. If they really love you, they hold you in the highest light. If they really love you, they are too busy giving to you to notice petty details. If they really love you, they see God when they look your way. And God is not in need of improvement before s(he) is loved!"
The shift in all life, including love is no longer looking to the outside world for change. We must first change ourselves and be that which we seek before the external world will show up accordingly. We can no longer look to the outside world for love, happiness or fulfillment; it must come from within. To cherish our relationships, as a sacred playground to express and share love. The main purposes of relationships is to discover whom we are and how we relate, in relation to what does or does not occur. Once, we discover and acknowledge the relativity of how we respond, we then have choice. We become responsible!